WINMX Assorted Textfiles/Ebooks.tar/Text - History - The Day They Almost Sawed Off Manhattan.txt

Text File | 2003-08-15 | 7KB | 109 lines

                   The Day They Almost Sawed Off Manhattan

By R. J. Brown
Editor-in-Chief

In the early 1800's, in New York City, at the junction of Baxter, Centre,
and Grand Streets, was the Centre Market. It is this area that people
gathered to buy their goods as well as exchange news. There was an area with
long benches and a soapbox where people could hold open forum to discuss
topics of the day. So sets the scene for my favorite hoaxes in journalism.

Of all the orators, a man named Lozier was the most respected. On a daily
basis, he could be found at the Market debating an important topic. Lozier
had an illustrious background. He had made several voyages to Europe as a
ships' carpenter and was well educated. Of all factors, his most important
was that he had charisma. Through sheer charm, Lozier could convince others
that what he was claiming was correct. He always had an answer ready for
questions whether they be political, financial, or moral. July of 1824 saw a
sudden change in Lozier and the birth of a great hoax. Although for years
Lozier had made daily speeches at the Centre Market, and was always
available for individual debates, now, all of a sudden, though coming to the
Market each day, he sat off in a corner and was very introverted. If anyone
approached him he would abruptly ask them to leave him alone. His friends
debated among themselves on what was causing this change in Lozier. Finally,
after a few weeks of quietness, a delegation approached Lozier with concern.
Why was he so quiet and unsociable?

This moment is just what Lozier had waited for. He proceeded to explain that
it was not only his own problem but it also greatly affected their very own
lives! With that statement there was dead silence and the crowd surrounding
Lozier grew bigger. In a well calculated and rehearsed speech, he went on to
reveal the dire problem. Simply put, he informed them that Manhattan Island
was much too heavy on the Battery end because of all the heavy construction
that had gone on in recent years. The weight of all these buildings at one
end was causing it to tip and eventually would break off into the sea!
Though some expressed doubtfulness, Lozier had "proof". He took the crowd to
the center of the street and told them to look down the road. From City Hall
to the opposite end was all downhill.

Now it was sheer panic! It was true! Lozier told them not to worry as he had
almost figured out a solution. He asked them to give him a few more days and
he would announce how Manhattan could be spared of the pending disaster.

After a few days the news came that Lozier was going to speak that   [Image]
afternoon at the Market. Needless to say, hundreds showed up to hear
his solution. With much drama, Lozier explained how Manhattan Island could
be saved. The plan was as follows: First it would be necessary to saw the
island off at the Northern end, at the Kingsbridge, and tow it past both
Governor's and Ellis Island and out to sea. There Manhattan would be turned
around and brought back into the mainland and reattached. Now the heavy end
would be the one attached to the mainland and the opposite end, which had
fewer heavy buildings, would be on the ╥free╙ end. Zoning laws could be
passed to prevent construction of buildings on this end. Problem solved!

For several days the sawing off of Manhattan Island was on everyone's mind.
When public interest was at its height Lozier, who possessed a perfect sense
of timing, again showed up at Centre Market. When he arrived at the scene,
he took command. He held up a large ledger and announced that the names of
all able-bodied men would be recorded as applicants to work on the project.
Over 300 men signed up the first day! Lozier next hired a handful of
contractors and carpenters to furnish lumber and build large barracks which
would be used by laborers during the actual saving process. Going one step
further, he also ordered a separate building to be constructed to house a
mess hall to feed the workers.

Continuing with the well-executed plan, Lozier next notified butchers to
submit their bids for five hundred head of cattle, the same number of legs,
and three thousand chickens!

Lozier was having great fun. He continued thinking up new things that had to
be done before the actual saving could take place. He next sought out some
blacksmiths to have them make fifteen crosscut saws one hundred feet in
length and each saw tooth 3 feet high. (It would take fifty men to operate
each saw.) They also needed to make several miles of heavy gauge chain which
could be wrapped around trees and attached at the other end to the fifteen
hundred boats he was having built. (It must be added that no one questioned
just who was going to finance this operation.)

Perhaps the single event in this plot that tops them all in the sheer humor
vein is that of a "pitman". Lozier, at Centre Market, announced new
applications were being taken for several "pitmen." He explained that a
"pitman" had the most dangerous job. That job entailed being on the bottom
end of the cross cut saw -- under water! Since the job was so dangerous, the
pay was triple of those on top of the saw. To qualify for the job, the
applicants must hold their breath and be timed. Those with the longest time
would be selected as "pitmen." All day long the scene was the same. A man
would have his turn at the front of the line, Lozier would activate his
stopwatch while the man held his breath. At a certain point the man's face
would turn various shades of red then, finally, let out a burst of breath.
Several men got in line more than once to see if they could better their
previous time.

The time came when Lozier could stall no longer. People were getting
restless and anxious to start the project. Lozier was forced to announce a
starting date. Even this was done with great flair. The date was announced
and the workers "hired." All were to report at 6 AM at a specific location
on the Battery end. From there a parade would march to the City Hall --
complete with bands! Thousands showed up at the appointed time and place --
all except Lozier that is. He left town the night before and hadn't been
seen since!

History has not recorded how long these people waited around before it
finally dawned on them that they had been "had" -- or if they ever did
realize it was only a well-planned hoax.

Is Manhattan Island still sinking? No problem. Call Lozier!